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Rest In Peace my Troubled Selves

  • Elliott
  • February 21, 2013
  • 9

How could someone who apparently “had everything” become so disillusioned that they would elect to commit suicide? How could their life become so tragically painful?

Short of some long-term, pain-filled illness, most of us have a hard time imagining a scenario so devastating that self-termination would be an attractive option, While I do not claim to have any special insight into the head of someone who would willingly choose death as a solution to their suffering, I do know that our minds “lie.” The world we see and perceive through the senses is an illusion. Unless we have some sort of Truth, bigger than the story contrived by the mind, to rely on when times get dark, we can become convinced that life, and in particularly our own existence, is meaningless and not worth preserving.

I have never seriously considered suicide and wouldn’t (hopefully) knowing how that would impact those I love; but I have experienced the seeming hopelessness of depression. I have seen how devastating it can be when we believe in a sense of isolation, so real that mere loneliness would be an improvement.

alone by the sea

Our mind is absolutely amazing. It can take “what is” and twist it in ways that make life seem unbearable. To a soul, trapped by such imaginings, the escape presumably offered through death can become attractive.

Consider the words of the wise LDS minister, David O. Mckay: “The greatest battles of life are fought out daily in the silent chambers of the soul.”


It always touches me, very deeply, when I hear of someone who took their own life. Common sense cannot explain how much this saddens me. It always feels like I have lost a piece of myself, which based on my Truth, I suppose I have.

I do not recall ever noticing country celebrity, Mindy McCready prior to the recent news of her apparent suicide, nor was I aware of the brilliant Aaron Swartz prior to the news of his death; however both incidents created such pain in me it could be labeled as irrational.

Life is so very precious to me. I spend most of my time intoxicated by the beauty which is everywhere-present, and yet, I can also lose my-self, sometimes for days at a time, in the insane projection of a mind running, unchecked, in the dark forest of duality.  I can empathize with the pain that appears so real. I also see the catastrophe that is created when a mind is bent on self-destruction.nightfall

Sometimes the only way to weather the inevitable trials of being human is to simply surrender. Letting go and saying to life, “Come what may!” is often the wisest path back into the Light.

I am not exactly sure why my soul has insisted on creating this writing. I feel kind of like Elton John saddened by the tragic death of Marilyn Monroe, though he “never knew her at all.” As odd as it seems I think someone needed to hear these words. Then again, perhaps I have sweated over this piece just so I could promise you and remind myself of this TRUTH: “What is REAL is Love and only Love. Everything else is a lie.”

Life is Love.

We are Love.

All that is REALholding hands



And this TRUTH alone

Is the unchanging reality

To which we must cling

When life becomes stormy.

IT is the LIGHT,

Which provides us passage

Through the darkness

Of menacing imaginings.


  1. I was first touched by a friend’s suicide my freshman year of college and most recently a close friend of my dad’s. I am reminded how much I struggle to understand what goes though someone’s mind to complete this act but at the same time I am thankful to not fully grasp it at the same time. I can only pray for those souls that are so tormented that they think this is for the best. I differ from mainstream religion in that I do not believe that God leaves us in our time of need and therefore those souls are allowed into heave as they have suffered enough in this life.
    Thank you for the reminder of love!

    1. I agree with you Nikole. To me, God, is LOVE itself and could never abandon the expression of itself that terminates it’s physical experience. It is the soul that departs, without completing its work, that will suffer. Of course, who is to say whether or not that soul came to commit that act so that another could feel what they needed to feel. I have no wisdom which takes me that far, and like you I am not sure I want to know. I know it saddens me greatly. And as I stated I know that remembering who I am is what saves me when life seems oppressive.

      Thank you for participating in this blog and sharing your wisdom.

  2. Elliott, this is a beautiful post, not about suicide, but about love. It’s a post about loving so deeply and openly that the suffering and choices of strangers affects you personally. Many people refuse to be that open because they fear the pain they may feel, but a closed heart also can know no love.

    1. Thank you Jacqueline.

      My heart would not leave me alone until I wrote it.

      I appreciate the way you choose to open your heart and extend your loving nature to us all. You are a blessing.


  3. Elliott,
    It’s good to see you writing again. I lost my younger brother to suicide when he was 52 years old. The two major contributors were alcohol and depression. I commented at his memorial service that he really loved life. My sadness is that he couldn’t experience that love of life anymore.

    1. Thank you Rich Heart for sharing and improving the quality of this blog. Depression can make hopelessness so real it can seem inescapable. Add some type of dependency to the mix and the “remembering” of life’s joy becomes very challenging. I am going to share a piece from Stephen Pressfield’s book
      The Legend of Bagger Vance today which points to the saving “anchor” I was speaking of yesterday.

      I love and appreciate you and am most grateful to you for taking the time to read and to comment on this piece.

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